The End

So if you've been reading my blog, you know how important breastfeeding has been to me. I've wanted to breastfeed Lawson since he was born. Even when he was in the NICU, weeks away from ever eating anything, I shared my desire with his nurses. Most of the nurses were on board, saying that if breastfeeding was my goal, it was theirs too. There were a few who made me feel guilty for even talking about it when Lawson was so sick. I've held on to the hope until just recently.

During our last Special Infant Care Clinic visit, he showed that he had conquered his swallowing issues and we were approved to stop using the thickener in his milk and therefore approved to begin breastfeeding. At that point, he was about 4 months old. During that visit, he latched on and breastfed like a champ. When we got home and tried it again, I had thrush (again) and so it was extremely painful. So I continued to pump while giving him bottles of my expressed milk - now with no thickener, so it was much easier for him to take. I would try to breastfeed before each bottle, but as time passed, he grew more and more fond of his bottle and less fond of the breast, since it is more difficult to get milk from the breast. He is now at the point where if it even comes close to him he screams like I'm trying to kill him. LOL So I've given up on actually breastfeeding, but have continued to pump.

When I shared this with Dr. Benjamin at his appointment on Tuesday, she was amazed that I was still pumping. She commended me for my dedication to pumping, but said there was really no reason to continue. He had already gotten the important immunities that come with the early milk. I argued that I was committed to 'breastfeeding' for a year and she countered with, "That's only under the most ideal circumstances." I think we could say that I've had less than ideal circumstances- double mastitis, almost constant recurrence of thrush, pumping for weeks in the beginning when we couldn't even feed him, having several gallons of my frozen milk spoiled, and not even being able to start breastfeeding until he was about 4 months old. I think that breastfeeding a baby is a beautiful and natural thing. Hooking yourself up to a mechanical milking machine is just weird and unnatural! To be perfectly honest, as committed to breastfeeding as I have been, I was really happy to hear her say I could stop pumping.


My first thought was, "Hurray! Freedom! Now I don't have to be tied to the pump all the time and schedule my day around pumping." The next thought that quickly replaced it was, "Oh no! Now I don't have any excuse to sit in front of the computer while I pump for 30 minutes every 3 hours!" LOL