Learning to expect the unexpected

I'll have to admit that I'm wiping the tears as I type tonight. I was expecting to show up this evening to see my little dumplin's beautiful lips with nothing stuck down his throat and no tape all over his face. Instead, the receptionist asked me to wait a few minutes, since they were in the middle of taking his blood, not too out of the ordinary. Then the nurse practioner came out to talk to me, something which doesn't usually happen. She began to explain that they had encountered an unexpected complication. Lawson has an exess of air in the left (bad) lung, which is causing it to 'blow up' too big and putting undue pressure on the right (good) lung. This is probably due to a pocket of air in the wrong place and is making it much harder for the good lung to work effectively.

By the time I got back there, his CO2 level was through the roof. His body was unable to effectively remove the carbon dioxide. His blood pressure was skyrocketing. There were doctors and nurses buzzing around everywhere, moving things, changing things, pushing buttons, with that nervous look in their eyes. At one point the attending physician stopped to introduce himself to me and try and fill me in. To be perfectly honest, I barely remember anything he said, except the words 'dangerous' and 'serious', which he used more than once. Brian wasn't with me, since he was planning to go watch the Carolina game at a friends house and then join me at the hospital. So there I was frozen, crying, scared to death, feeling like I was watching it all in a movie, until my phone rang. It was Brian looking for a quick update at halftime. I was crying so hard that I couldn't even explain to him what was happening. He immediately came to the hospital to join me.

By the time Brian got there, I had to pump. (It is a must to stay on schedule emptying the breasts with mastitis so I don't get an absess.) Brian went back to Lawson's room and got caught up on what was going on. When I was finished, Brian and I, the nurse practioner, and Dr. Goldberg, the chief of neonatology, sat down in the conference room to chat. We basically revisited the events of today, talked about what to expect in the next few days, and their ongoing plan of action. We were told to expect ups and downs and they will continue to manage each problem as it comes.

We went in to visit with Lawson before we left tonight. He had on the noise cancelling headphones and light blocking 'glasses', since he seems to be having negative reactions to stimulation again. It's really, really hard to see him that way, since I thought we'd crossed that bridge and were on to bigger and better things! By the time we left, his CO2 level was almost back to normal and his blood pressure was fine. They were planning to do another xray at 10pm. We're going to call for results. The one thing I have learned so far is to expect the unexpected and keep expectations low. :(