Driving and Crying

Yesterday was an extremely stressfull day for all of us! I didn't feel like blogging about it and thought about leaving it out, but since this is as much MY diary of our experience and opportunity to vent as it is keeping everyone else informed, I've decided to include it. When we arrived at the hospital, Amanda, the speech therapist was at Lawson's bedside. She greeted us and then said, "So I've heard some changes have been made to Lawson's feeding plan. . . " We told her about Dr. Malcom's decision to carry on with breastfeeding. She reiterated that she didn't feel like it was safe for Lawson, but suggested that we try it under her supervision to be sure. While watching Lawson breastfeed, she was convinced that the results of the swallow study were in fact correct and recommended that we stop breastfeeding immediately for Lawson's safety. We then switched to the bottle. He was quite fussy and I was having trouble getting him to take the bottle. With Amanda and a few nurses offering suggestions, we switched positions several times, changed the bottle nipple, burped him, gave him the pacifier, among other well meant suggestions. His nurse piped up to share that the nursing student, who's never fed a baby before, was able to get him to take 45ml that morning. One of the other nurses said, "You're his parents, you know him better than anyone else! You'll know what to do." To be perfectly honest, at that moment, I really didn't feel like I knew him at all and was feeling pretty inept! Not to mention the screaming baby in the bed space next to Lawson adding to the stress. By the time we were finished with the feeding, Brian really wanted to meet with Lawson's newest doctor along with Amanda and the NNP to talk more about why the plans changed. I was sooo finished talking to people at this point and really needed to pump, since I was unable to breastfeed. Plus my mom was patiently waiting in the waiting room for her turn to snuggle with Lawson. I really want my mom to have special time with Lawson and she doesn't come to the hospital that often, so I just wanted that experience to be over so she could come back with me. I finally convinced Brian that we'd had enough talking for the day and he left to pick up Lacey.

As soon as my mom got back there, she and Lawson began their cuddle session, so I was free to pump. As I opened my pump bag, I quickly realized the pump parts weren't there. I remembered the bag had turning upside down in the truck. I always keep the pump parts in a ziploc bag, so I assumed the ziploc had fallen out in the truck. I told my mom what I was doing and set out toward the truck to grab the pump parts; about halfway there I remembered that I needed to renew the parking pass before the office closed at 5pm. So I turned around and quickly began the LONG trek toward the parking office and figured I'd get the pump parts afterward. When I finally made it to the parking office the sign on the door might as well have been a slap in the face; Summer Hours 9 -3. Ugh! I backtracked to the parking deck empty handed to grab the pump parts so I could finally pump and called Danielle for a pep talk/gripe session. After a thorough search of the truck, I realized the ziploc was at home. Double ugh! At that point, I just got in the truck and began driving home after paying my obligatory $6. I figured I could just give mom more snuggle time while I headed home to pump there and then I'd pick her up later. As I drove, the stress of the day finally got to me. I cried all the way home. Brian and Lacey were so sweet when I got home. B offered to drive back to the hospital to get my mom and Lacey was really excited to have me all to herself for a while. :) Spending the evening with Lacey really helped me relax and we had a blast!

Now on to bigger and better things! I am sooooo counting the days at this point! We've been invited to the Care By Parent Room this Friday!!! We get to 'move in' Friday afternoon/evening and stay all by ourselves with Lawson until Saturday afternoon! We'll be in complete control of his care the entire time, without all the well meaning suggestions and observers. He will still be wearing the monitors and the nurses will be keeping an eye on his vitals remotely at all times, but he'll be all ours! I'm super excited! Of course, no one will give us an exact discharge date yet, but from the way people have been talking, it won't be long now.

In order for us to take him home, we have to complete a series of trainings and procedures, which began today. We had to watch a training video on Infant CPR/Choking. We've already been checked off on the ability to change his diaper, give him a bath, mix up and feed him the bottle, and swaddle him. Lawson was given and passed his hearing test, which is often a problem in babies who've had Persistent Pulminary Hypertension. Tomorrow we are to bring in his car seat for Lawson to take the car seat test. He will have to be able to sit in the car seat for one hour and keep consistent vital signs. The test stops immediately if his health is in danger; it does not, however, stop for crying. From what we've heard, there aren't many babies who enjoy the car seat test and many cry the whole time! Hopefully he'll fare better than I did in the car yesterday. We'll see . . .